One Young Man's View

My Goal in Life

2005-07-08T16:08:00.000-05:00

It takes a long time to turn a big country around. Just be of good cheer and keep working on it.
-The 42nd President William Jefferson Clinton

As I look back, I have looked at and thought over the many things that I thought I wanted to be when I grew up. An astronaut. The leader of the free world. A race car driver. A football player. A singer. A rock star. Troy Aikman. Dale Earnhardt.
Everybody has a talent. Mine, is art. I have always looked at things differently from everyone around me, including those closest to me. Ever since I could draw read, or write, I have gotten comments from my parents, teachers and classmates alike about how good I am at drawing, handwriting, and writing in particular; even though, there are some things I have created I did not think was good but everyone else did! Even still, when I was around 10 or 12, I did not want to go into the world of art. Why? At the time, and to an extent now, I saw two kinds of artists: the conformists and the non-conformists. The conformists are the people who hang around the art museums whose personal income is around a half a million dollars and put on such airs that, even if my ego was pushed to the limit, I could not reach their altitude. The non-conformists are the people who paint graffiti on whatever is large and accessible, or literally crumple up a shopping cart, and call it art. The non-conformists will create anything that does not conform to the standards of the conformist philosophy. However, through time and life experiences, I have seen others in the world of art that do not seem to care about what other people think about their work and have achieved strong, lasting success. For now, and for some time, I will pursue a career in art, through the myriad of things I create. But there is one ultimate goal I have.
Since September 11, 2001, I have become educated on how America, and the world, works. I have seen many problems that could, and can now, be easily solved, if there is will. I have decided to, when I am old enough, to run for President of the United States of America. I have looked at a life in politics earlier in life but I did not want my character defiled as well as everyone who associated themselves with me. But I do not see anyone who has the will to do what needs to be done to advance the next stage in the evolution of humanity. If nobody steps up to the plate to do what I think needs to happen I will have to go to Washington to do so myself. The first election I will be old enough to run for President is in 2024. The first election I will be able to run for public office period will be 2012.

If you don't like politics or conspiracy theories, don't read this article.

2005-06-25T00:35:00.000-05:00

Politics is show business for ugly people.
-Jay Leno

I enjoy politics. But I hate politics. I see the importance of the decisions made in the halls of Congress. But I hate the shenanigans, the monkey business, the political correctness, the philandering, the double standards of expectations between Democrats and Republicans in the eyes of the traditional media, the difficulty of trying to decipher the difference between a Democrat and a Republican, I could go on for so long I could write a book on this.
My fascination with politics started after 9/11. Before 9/11, I did not pay a lot of attention to the news. The news stories I followed daily before 9/11 was the O.J. Simpson situation, the OKC bombing, the Michael Irvin situation, the African Embassy and U.S.S. Cole bombings, the Paula Jones situation, Monicagate, the Columbine shooting, and that's about it. My view of the media beforehand, as it is today, was as a group of, mostly, highly greedy people who run around covering whatever will garner people's attention to get ratings, sell papers and gain notoriety in the process. That obsession the media had with shark attacks three or four years ago, the never-ending obsession of pretty or hot white missing females between the age of 3 and 33, the need to show a live shot of a plane landing with some sort of problem, how Republicans are the most evil people to have ever walked the face of the Earth and how a Democrat can nothing wrong, ever, and any one who says as such is a racist sexist bigoted homophobic chauvinistic Christian neanderthal. I will probably write a book about the problems I see in the media at some point.
The best way I can explain my political leaning is 67% conservative, 16.5% liberal, and 16.5% libertarian. I am registered as an independent, because I truly do not see a political party who believes in all that I do. I vote Republican about 70% of the time. Though if the year was 1955, I would actually vote 70% Democrat.
I have an odd explanation of how those with a political belief are like. Liberals are like children. They think that everyone and everything can live in a perfect world. Everything is a-okay, as long as they get their way. But when they don't, they throw a fit and try to drag everyone into their pain and frustration. They try to act cute to get their way. People can't seem to not like them (just look at Hollywood). And they say the darndest things too! About 20% of people think like this, from my experiences anyway. Then there are the libertines, whom are like young adults, particularly college students. They believe whatever feels good should be done and is acceptable as long as nobody else is hurt as a result. About 30% of people seem to think like this. Conservatives are like middle-aged adults, or at least good parents. They believe that nothing can be perfect, but do think things can be their best. They "conserve" the better things of life and try to greatly minimize things that are not. And they think no one should shrink from duty, honor or responsibility. And, ultimately, kindness. About 50% of people seem to think like this.
To those in political office, I think only about one-third always follow what they really believe. But I think it was more like two-thirds when they originally entered politics. The political machine of being everything to everyone and trying to hold onto the power they have garnered, among a few other things, changes that. To that one-third that has no core beliefs, their reasons are two-fold. Either for power or money. For most of American history, however, it was all power. But that changed about 40 or 50 years ago. I think it was because 40 or 50 years ago, people really cracked down on those in organized crime. Once out of prison, these greedy people saw things like the vision of the Great Society, the civil rights movement, and the Vietnam War, saw politics, and particularly the activist side, as a means to make money and achieve fame. And party leaders saw what seemed as new ways to fundraise.
I have a pretty strong knowledge of history, politics, the political machine, more than the average person on the street. But for a while, there was something that I could not figure out. Now I think the majority of Democrats, about 50 or 55%, are good people at the core that want they same thing as everyone else but may see a different way to get there. But for about 45 to 50%, and about 85% of the Democrats in power, do not want the same thing most people want. They want a secular-"progressive" society in which the government runs everything, people live off the government, nobody makes judgments on behavior, and any public display or expression of religion does not exist, but you still can vote. Basically, they want today's Western Europe. Yuck. Yikes! With all that said, for the last year and a half, the Democrats in power, 85% or so, have acted insane! It started with Howard Dean. With his angry, hateful and insidious remarks, and the "I Have a SCREAM (Yarrrrrraugh!!!)" speech, I slowly saw most Democrats in power act this way. Why? I originally thought it was to squeeze money out of the 45 or 50% who believe in the secular-"progressive" vision and those who were running for president to get the Democratic nomination. But the election has been over now for seven months now and the hateful rhetoric has gone through the roof! With Dick "Turban","Vermin" Durbin's remarks, a thought entered my mind, where are the Clintons in all this? Because of my knowledge of the American political landscape, I know the Clintons are the most powerful Democrats in America and have been as such since Bill was elected President in 1992. And because of my knowledge of the American political landscape, I know that Bill Clinton only wants attention and notoriety and has no core beliefs, but Hillary does as well as an agenda, the secular-"progressive" agenda. The only real reason the Clintons still give a blank about politics is Hillary wants the Presidency to carry out the secular-"progressive" vision. Now why would she be so quiet? If she has such strong beliefs, why would she say nothing? I have a conspiracy theory. Now, for the most part, I think conspiracies are bogus. And that most of them are created by those left-of-center, who in their vision to create a perfect world, come up crazy senarios to help everything seem explainable and logical. But with the demeanor and actions of Democrats in power acting so spiteful and cantankerous, and Hillary not saying anything, I thought why this was so. And a thought entered my mind. What the Democrats in power are doing are acting out wildly on such far-left positions, the reason is to make New York Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton look like a moderate. Where are the moderate voices of the Democratic leadership, those who represent the majority of Democrats, like Senators Evan Bayh, Harold Ford, Joseph Liebermann, Governor Bill Richardson or even former Senator Zell Miller? They are not on "the Democrats' soap box." Who is? Senators Harry Reid, Dick Durbin, Edward Kennedy, Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstien, Charlie Schummer, Joseph Biden, DNC Chairman Howard Dean, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, all far-left wackos. I believe the Democrats with even a pinko-leftist (mildly liberal) view were told either to play along with fighting for the secular-"progressive" vision or butt out. And they have all stayed out off the Democrats' soap box for some considerable time. I think this a logical explanation, and I find am right about things about 80% of the time, but, who knows?

You Can't Have One, Without The, Other, Love and Marriage...

2005-06-18T13:24:00.000-05:00

(23) The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
(24) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
(25) The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Genesis 2:23-25, NIV

There are many times in which organized religion really annoys me and, at times, makes me wonder why I even go to a gathering place of Christians. With that being said however, it is not that I do not believe in Christ and the Holy Trinity or that there is no purpose or reason in the concept of a church. But too often, believers get caught up in things that, in the eternal scheme of things, are simply petty. And one of the things that fits into this category is marriage.
I believe marriage is good thing. I do not find marriage, as God intended to be, wrong. However, I do have a serious problem with the way people tend to understand and handle it.
To hear how some describe marriage, it sounds like the institution has been around since the time of Adam and Eve, 10,000, 20,000 or six million years ago, depending on what each person believes. But if that person knows anything about history, the truth is marriage has not even been around 1,000 years. The Roman Catholic Church created the concept of marriage in the late 12th century. Before this, people basically followed the verse quoted above. No certification from the Church, or the government. No lavish ceremony or myriad rituals like the wedding band or fancy dress. No pre-nuptial agreements. None of this. But that changed when the Church created marriage. While marriage was clearly a divine inspiration from God, the Church had alterior motives.
During the Dark Ages, the Roman Catholic Church was the governing body of Europe. There were various outposts across the continent, the most famous being King Arthur and his court of Camelot. But the Church was the most powerful organization in the West. And as the saying goes, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Many madmen ruled the Church in this time. There were mulitple popes serving at the same time; and, there was no single pope until the 16th century. But there still were true and upstanding Christians who were a part of the Church. On the good side, marriage was created as a backdrop for a stable environment in which to raise children. Unfortunately, people throughout time have used marriage for selfish purposes. People have gotten married to appease their parents or society, for the purpose of getting rich off their spouse, to fufill a simple lustful desire, to only have children and nothing more, or, most recently, as a dopey spring board for gay lobbyists.
In a recent bridal magazine, it is estimated that the average cost of a wedding is at $25,000. Yikes! With that kind of money, a good car or a down paymnent on a great house could be bought.Now it's not that I am cheap. Or that I would not want my bride to feel happy, special and content. But please! There is a such word as perspective! A lot of people need look it up and think about it!
If big money is going to get thrown around, don't blow it all in one day! Blow it all on the honeymoon (I'm kidding about that).
But seriously, if a lifelong commitment is going to be made, spend it on what's really important, like a 24-karat diamond ring (I can't help myself from joking right now).
Now honestly and seriously, I view marriage in a good light. I will be married one day. But I will not use material things or what a piece of paper says as the ultimate judgement of what kind of relationship I have. Only God, and my spouse, could truly do so. And frankly, if a judgement is made on a marriage, it should be what it believes itself to be. And what it produces.

My School Daze

2005-06-11T17:30:00.000-05:00

When we grew up and went to school there were certain teachers who would
hurt the children any way they could.
By pouring their derision, upon anything we did,
and exposing every weakness, however carefully hidden, by the kid.
-Roger Waters, "The Happiest Days of Our Lives"

Since I first walked into a classroom, I dreamed of the day I would be able to step out into the real world. That's not to say I never liked learning or I did not learn anything in school. However, if push came to shove, and was homeless and orphaned at the age of 11, I would be financially independent by now and every penny would have been earned legitimitely and legally.
I think the biggest problem I had with school is having to put up with crazy or potentially dangerous people. In the past article I mentioned my fifth grade teacher Mrs. Shuffield. The woman was in charge of children and it seemed like she was on medication, or needed some. Maybe she was not held enough as a baby or someone held her in an illegal way. Who knows? She was the worst case senario, but was not the only nut. There were a few kids who may end up one day on America's Most Wanted or Cops. One kid was selling weed on the school grounds and got caught while he was smoking a joint. One girl got really frisky with me when I was 13, she was 14. I had to beat a guy up who harassed me multiple times. I got offers to go skinny dip at various pool parties. I had to stand up to older guys who were harassing girls. I know I will have to put up with unstable people for the rest of my life, but unlike at a job, I was not compensated. And unlike now, I was a kid, and did not have rights or recourse to the law or anyone for that matter.
The school I was at was private. But you would not notice that except for the marquee. The one on Hebron was not the one I went to. The one I went to was at Josey Lane and Belt Line Road. The place was built up between 1955 and 1995. The place was "ghetto" for a private school. We had to worry about homeless people as well as pranksters from Perry Middle School, R.L. Turner High, Newman Smith High, including my own. Graffiti was always a problem. Somebody's car would either be broken into, vandalized or even stolen every month. A vending machine would either be broken into, vandalized or literally knocked over at least once a month. One time a shipment of computers worth $25,000 was stolen.
The biggest compliant that I had with CCA was the hypocrisy. A headmaster, superintendent, whatever the guy wanted to be referred to, would be hired every three years and would say he was going to make the school the best it could be. But would leave with his tail between his legs. They were strict, and then they would ease up. They beat their chests pratically saying they were a Christian school and were educating Godly children and these Godly children would leave to spread the Kingdom of God. Please. They stopped gangs from forming, major drug dealing or disruptive violence. But some of the administrators need to put the school under a microscope. The only difference between a public school and CCA was uniforms, "Christian" in name, only, Bible being a subject and teachers were allowed to comment on things that would get them moved out of the classroom in a public school. But the same (G-rated) bad stuff.
In the world of education, it is ultimately about learning and exchanging ideas, and not working or getting utility out of a person, that person's mind, spirit, or society. And for the Ultimate Reason to do anything.
Maybe I should have gone to a fine arts school.

The Most Important Person I Have Ever Met

2005-06-05T12:00:00.000-05:00

Standing in silence, holding my breath, disconnected and dry.
And though I certain that there is nothing left, to hold onto, to give, or to try......Some things never change, no, do not ever change, and I am feeling the cold.Thinking that we are getting older and wiser when we are just getting old.
- David Gilmour "Near The End"

In the fall of 1996, I met Jennifer Leah Quinn. She was nine. I was 10. She was the daughter of my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Quinn. When I met Jenna, I thought she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, much less met. Even though I had no concept of love, a relationship, or sex, at the age of 10, I instinctively knew she was Mrs. Right. But I did not let here know that until Spring of 1998.
From the time I met her we had a real chemistry. We had the same sense of humor: ironic, random, sarcastic and, to a point, irreverent and cheeky. One time, we were working on a charity project and we were blowing up balloons. We were using helium tanks and I was operating one. As we were doing this, she started laughing hysterically. For a few seconds, I had no idea why. I looked at balloon, and I suddenly realized I had accidentally inflated it to look like a certain phallic symbol. I immediately started laughing along with her. Another time, we were in art class and were cutting up magazines for an assignment. One in particular was one of those women's magazines that had a very graphic depiction of a woman's reproductive system. She saw it, starting laughing and quickly showed me. That was one of the hardest times I've ever laughed.
Fourth grade was the best school year I ever had. Fifth grade was the absolute worst. Mrs. Shuffield was the worst teacher I ever had. Simply put, she was the most anal-retentive, nitpicking person I have ever had to put up with. I do not like the way some parents tend to coddle their kids but Mrs. Shuffield had never heard the definition of self-esteem. In the past, when I was disciplined for doing something wrong, I did something wrong. That was not the case with this woman. She was constantly criticizing everyone to reach perfection. When I mean perfection, her concept of an A+ was AA++. Anything else was like an F. She would literally look over your shoulder and look at what you were writing and would stand there, hunched over your shoulder, for minutes! She would measure the paper to ensure the margins were perfect and count the words on the paper to ensure the word count did not fall short or exceed the assigned amount. And when she was angry, which was quite often, she screamed. She made you have a specific everything: pencils, paper, notebooks, everything. That was my life for a year. I was at a private school but please I was 11!
I grew quite tired of this. And by March 1998, I was losing my mind. I was at a reception for a music program, and Jenna was there. She was in a dress, and she looked good. Really good. I decided right then and there to tell her my feelings for her, hoping she would make me feel like I was not alone in my discontent for what fifth grade was. However, the way I did this scared her and everyone around me and turned me into a punch line. I walked up to her and I kissed her. On the lips. In front of everyone. She was taken aback, like everyone, since I turned from the laid-back, mild-mannered, wisecracking kid into a very sick puppy. I did not stop there. Over the next year or so, I "pined" for her. I gave her many gifts. The highlights include: a dozen nice red roses, chocolates, a bracelet, and approximately a billion letters and phone calls. On the one hand, she was sincerely thrilled and appreciative I thought of her so highly. On the other, she saw how wildly I acted so she was scared of me. As well as her parents, my parents, and my classmates. I continued this through the sixth grade.
By the beginning of the seventh grade, I was worn out and angry at myself for not being smarter about controlling myself and everyone else who could not at least respect my feelings. My feelings for her had not changed; they are the same today as they were when I met her. But I wanted respect from everyone around me. So I stopped with the gifts and everything else of my "pining" for her. We would talk some after that but we did not want to do anymore than talk. For her, it was fear that I would regress in the wild ways I acted before. For both of us, it was fear that we would be the official pariahs of the school. We liked each other, and still wanted to hang around with each other. But we did not want to put up with everyone else around us.
I left the school I was at, Carrollton Christian Academy; the one had attended with her, after nearly eight years of being there, in late October of 2001. I'll explain why in the next article, but in short, I was tired of the BS.
On August 11, 2004, I received the most shocking news I had ever heard. I was talking with a friend on the phone when I heard a news bulletin on WBAP. A former coach at the school I once was at was on trial for child molestation. I did not catch the name of the arrestee because the radio was in the other room and the announcer spoke too fast. I asked around the school and I heard the name.
Jenna had been raped, multiple times. That was shocking enough. The real shocker was her father's best and the Quinn's family friend Lynn Lewis Funk raped her. The Funk and Quinn families had met 10 years ago, a year before I met Jenna or her mother. They were the closest I had ever seen two non-related families together. The fathers coached their kids' basketball teams. The mothers were co-workers at the school. Jenna's older sister Stephanie and the Funk's daughter Krista were best friends. Jenna was a friend with the Funk's son Kyle. They would spend the Holidays together. They traveled across Europe and Australia together. It all seemed so perfect. But it was all a lie. From the time they first met, Lynn had a specific interest in Jenna. He would always say she was beautiful and would constantly say she was special. When she turned 13, when no one was around, he would talk about sex with her. Slowly, in time, he got what he wanted. She tried to keep it under wraps, hoping to stop the two families from not having deal with this. In the times I had last talked to her in mid 2001 to early 2002, I had noticed I significant change in her attitude. She was somewhat solemn and serious and more serene and shy than when I first met her. Then I did not see her at any of the school events except for playing basketball and she did not hang around before or after the games. Her grades slipped. She lost all interest in extracurricular activities at school and everything else she had loved doing forever. She would stay in her room all the time. She would be easily provoked into an emotional outburst. She became a cutter. Her parents could not understand what was happening to their middle child. In the Christmas of 2003, her older sister demanded her to tell what was bothering her. She told. Lynn was arrested, convicted and is currently serving 20 years in jail.
I could not believe anyone would reach a point in their life to do that to someone would be even considered. And certainly not in the school I had been at with the people I like and care about whom never had a problem like this. And to Jenna?! I was mortified. I have cried over this more than anything in my life. Within a few days, I went to her house and dropped off a dozen white roses and a note of encouragement. She told me that she was the sweetest guy she had ever known and that she had always considered me a good friend.
After the shock wore off, I had only one question on my mind: Why? Why Jenna? Why now? Why after I had not spoken to her in over two years after five years after I stopped "pining" for her would she re-enter the front of my mind? I had originally thought Jenna was just a simple lesson in my life about self-control and using my mind and actions wisely. But I asked God about six years ago if she was more than that, than she would re-enter the front of mind after I was not at Carrollton Christian Academy. So with this event, she means obviously much more. None of her classmates or anyone from the school except me has said anything to her. She has no other real friends except me. About eighty percent of my thoughts have been on her since I heard what happened. The times I try not to think about her does not last a while. I am certain Jenna and I are simply destined to be together. But I have not told her that, yet. I have held back, thinking Jenna would react in one of the following ways: she would simply say no and that's that, she would not bring herself to trust me, she would think the only reason I would be with her would ultimately be for my own personal sexual gratification, her being around me would remind her too much of what happened to her, or her being around me would not make her feel happy. About four years ago, I reached a point in my life where I said to God that I do not care about me anymore and all I care about is Him, because everything I had thought I wanted was empty. The Holy Spirit has showed me the purpose in my life. And I am convinced it is Jenna.